“I wanna do what I wanna do.”
This is my 2-year-old’s newest chant. My heart chimes in with an amen, I hear ya, little man every time it is uttered. And I wonder if that makes me a selfish mom.
Like many moms, I know I need to look after myself but so much of my time and energy is poured out into my husband, my kids, my home, and my work that I don’t know how to juggle it all. I often struggle with the guilt associated with taking “me-time” and making decisions to meet my personal needs. I often feel that I am not fulfilling my motherly duties if I take time away from the kids so I tend to neglect myself under the guise of caring for others.
I’m convinced that there is a spectrum that lies between
selflessness ______________________&___________________selfishness
and I’m really not sure how to pin point the golden mean. In this case, Aristotle’s virtue between the two extremes is a little vague for my liking.
I know that we must take care of ourselves as moms in order to be able to take care of our families but the litany of items that “ought” to be addressed in my life under “self-care” constitute a full-time job and I already have at least one of those. How can I stay spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically healthy and have time for anyone else?
Every mom knows that the job is draining; everyone wants a piece of you but there are not enough pieces to go around. So we can’t keep running on empty and expect to carry on without deficiencies in one area or another. I know that taking time to care for myself is necessary in order to be any good to those who depend on me but trying to discern the practical parameters of my self-care is really tricky. Perhaps, I am lacking wisdom and should ask for it…so, wise ones out there in cyberspace, what say you?
Currently, I try to take one night of the week and break from my motherly duties. I try to be as consistent as possible to keep our family routine intact so that the kids can expect it. This seems reasonable enough but it is the daily disciplines that seem to be so elusive. I have trouble finding moments throughout my day to refresh. And even if I should miraculously find a spare 10 minutes, I don’t always use these precious few breaths well.
So, I guess what I am really asking is, at what point does self-care descend into selfishness? I know we invest so much of ourselves in this holy calling known as motherhood but is it okay that sometimes I just wanna do what I wanna do?